the hall monitor

The Hall Monitor
THE HALL MONITOR (1999)
loyd kauffman/troma

hi peoples. with all my current library goodies netflix almost got ko'd and down for the count, but i can not let that happen! i will not let library trump netflix. So the Hall Monitor. I will let you know if you are not familiar with troma, its very low budget and not for everyone. personally i adore it. but most wont. thats just the breaks i guess.

opening scene, death metal CASSETTE tape gets eaten by the player. Of course, this captures my heart. Welcome to BO-TECH where the heshens are anal and eager to learn? and the jocks are cheerleaders are the source of much annoyance and disruption (what else is new :D ) and a guy in a carrot suit, who i never really did "get" but its troma so i dont try to hard to understand.

And of course. the student. who takes his job verrrry seriously. And hes got a gun. and sometimes an eye-twitch. basically, DONT FUCK WITH THE HALL MONITOR.

LIVE high school all over again!! SEE what happens when someone tries to cheat off the hall moniter!! EXPERIENCE troma in its glory!! (even though this one is not so "gory")

And always just make sure you remember. "IF YOU GOT SOMETHIN TO SAY... YOU RAISE YOUR HAND."

alice: darkness light darkness

AliceALICE DARKNESS LIGHT DARKNESS (1988)
jan svankmajer

                                                                  


     i came across this somehow, another one i cant believe ive never heard of...This is the most amazing adaptation of alice in wonderland i have EVER had the pleasure of experiencing.
   
   This movie has next to no dialogue. for example the only voice we hear is the girl who is living/telling the story. Every now we will hear something to this effect: " 'I shall be late', sighed the white rabbit." coming from a closeup of alices mouth.

    While staying extremely true to the traditional story of alice, this rendition is INSANE. I am terrified of this movie. In my opinion, this is the "Eraserhead" of all alices.


                                                                      

          a few of the first things we see starting are some skulls and beetles pinned to a wall. The white rabbit enters. His belly splits open and woodchips? pour out. he safety pins himself shut. This is NOT a cartoon, the characters are made of puppets and dolls and bones. And when i say puppets im not talking about some jim henson type shit. they are not made of cloth and cushy fabric.

      moving along, we see a tiny monkey cooking dinner on alices head, snipping of her hair for fuel to burn. later on, a carriage being drawn by such lovely little animal friends such as dead fish carcasses and cow skulls with chattering bones. The white rabbit sewing up a snakeskin body with a cowskullhead and funneling woodchips into its mouth. alice is played by a real girl, and when she shrinks she turns into a china doll. I wont say anymore but all the characters are here, in ways you've never imagined. Or maybe you have. I am convinced the people involved in this were on heavy drugs. Im not talking about weed or lsd. More like belladonna or something to that effect.

                                                                          
This movie makes me extremely happy and i will cry a  room full of tears until i own it. Until then i will not be complete. If you have ANY interest in Alice in Wonderland and the obsure, and have an appreciation for amazing cinematography and unbelievable creativity i HIGHLY suggest you watch this. And i am talking to a few specific girlfriends right here: PUT THIS ON YOUR NETFLIX. NOW. Has anyone else watched this? please i am curious if any of my friends have seen this...

I am now on the hunt for any other films by jan svankmajer